Beginning with love
By Naje Badu Love
Despite what the world may say about women who endeavor self-care through the prioritization of their needs and desires, there is a significant difference between being self-ish and self-full. You can rest assure that not one single thing which was envisioned could have come to full fruition without someone first having developed the ability to love themselves unashamedly and unapologetically. The energy of shame, as well as the inclination to apologize for being exactly as we are in this moment, impedes our ability to develop the confidence and courage required in our pursuit of achieving the impossible (I’m possible). True success and fulfillment is only possible once we are able to release a large amount, if not all, of the mental, emotional, and spiritual barriers that limit our potential and cloud our vision from what is truly possible in our lives. Fruition isn’t solely about maintaining a vision, setting goals, and engaging in rituals that support our path to fulfillment. The one thing I fiercely believe is that self-love is the primary, most foundational piece to our ability to bring to fruition our desires and aspirations. To the degree that we experience ourselves as love is the degree in which we are able to tap into an innate sense of passion and purpose that compels us to thrive.
Without self-love we will often find ourselves bouncing and rolling through life like a tree with no roots, completely lost in a cyclical, bohemian existence clouded by resistance and denial. Self-love fuels our will to stand strong no matter what goes on around us, or what difficult challenges lie ahead. It enables us to consistently match the thoughts, beliefs, and choices we are required to maintain during difficulties and challenges to those we abide by when life doesn’t seem so burdensome. It is what helps us to harness our power to create when everyone around us doubts our abilities. It is what compels us to decide and choose for ourselves in ways that are healthy and uplifting, affording us the opportunities to live in truth and authenticity. The absence of self-love keeps us blind from even understanding or envisioning what is truly possible for our lives and us. Without self-love, it is impossible for rituals, practices, or plans to lead us toward realizing our dreams. Sure, we will meet goals, and even create an affluent life for ourselves if we follow the carbon copy, yellow brick roads to success. Yet, it won’t always mean we will experience the level of true happiness, joy, peace, and fulfillment that is abound when we are able to dig deep and love ourselves into living and being the highest possible version of who we are meant to become.
Being that women are highly emotional beings, we must learn how to use our feelings and emotions to our advantage. From this moment forward, we can strive to continuously remind ourselves of our ability to attract preferred outcomes into our lives. However, it is imperative that we are first able to intimately and authentically connect with ourselves. It is through self-connection that we can imaginatively adjoin with all that is required to bring into existence our desired experiences. To clarify, in order to allow or receive the resources, relationships, environments, circumstances, or situations required to realize a dream, we must be able to feel our way through the process of ushering a vision into existence. This is impractical when 1) we lack full understanding of what it means to be intimately connected and vulnerable with ourselves, 2) our outlook is cluttered with past pains, regrets, and failures, and 3) the path to what we envision is hampered by the excuses and reasons why we are unable, or have yet to live up what it is we truly desire to create. Which is exactly why the most important step we can make in the aspiration to let go of our buts and excuses is to start nurturing the places within that are riddled with feelings of inadequacy and unworthiness.
We must constantly be aware of all there is to love about ourselves, especially when negative self-talk and judgment run rampant in our minds. In order for us to reach the fruition of our greatest desires and aspirations, we have to be willing to show ourselves acts of kindness on a regular basis. We must be gentle and compassionate with the woman we see in the mirror every morning and evening. Remember, how we view ourselves is exactly how we view the world. How we perceive ourselves is how the world will perceive us. How we experience ourselves is how we experience life. It is our responsibility to disallow destructive criticism, judgment, and condemnation to cloud our perception of possibility. It is vitally important that we begin to see and cultivate all that is good and loving about ourselves before we can even begin to require or demand love and respect from others around us. How we love ourselves is how we teach others to love us. To expect anything different is unreasonable. What we believe to be possible in our lives is resultant of how we feel, think, and treat ourselves.
The biggest struggle we have to overcome as women is the challenge of loving and accepting ourselves with all of our imperfections. Often times, we are the most critical people in our lives. We are quick to discredit everything we have yet to become, and very slow to focus on the things we have done and are doing “right” in our lives. Because of our tendency to concentrate on who we are not, and what we have yet to accomplish, we seek validation and approval from others (peers, family members, parents, teachers, etc.) without realizing that they are only going to reflect back to us what we already believe to be true and possible for ourselves on the inside.
No amount of talent, skill, positive self-talk, or visioning alone will enable us to illustrate the level of potential we possess when we are lovingly tapped into our truth and our purpose. Nor can we ever be in full alignment with our truth and purpose unless the thoughts, words, beliefs, feelings, perceptions, and yes of course, the actions we choose are also in agreement. Instead, we can muster the courage to love ourselves enough to work at healing past pains derived from mistakes, failures, and regrets. We must be willing to heal the aspects of ourselves that were wounded in previous experiences and have prevented us from being whole and healthy individuals. We must be willing to be more self-aware and honest about why we choose to settle for “less than” rather than moving beyond justifications that impede our path to greatness.
I want to mention something briefly before I move forward. And that is, the issue of mistaking comfort and contentment for fulfillment. I am not referencing the women in the world who are really “okay” with where they are in life. I am speaking to women who are ignoring the small voice that says “there is more” to be done. Ignoring the hushed urge inside you means that you are neglecting to recognize how comfort and contentment serve as the root cause of your inability to overcome excuses. It also blinds you from seeing opportunities to have, be, experience, or bring forth more of who we really are. What we often miss is that sometimes the “sense of arrival” merely serves as a reflection of our desire to live in the space of self-gratification. What would happen if we were to, instead, use comfort and contentment as motivational mile stones that can ultimately push us beyond limitations?
One of my greatest sources of inspiration at this stage of my life is ultra-marathon runner, David Goggins, known today as one of the toughest men alive. Look at what he has to say about reaching the state of comfort in the quest for achievement:
...so, I’m always sharpening my sword and how I sharpen my sword is I have a mentality of ‘my refrigerator is never full’. I’ve never arrived… and every time I get close to the top of the mountain… I fall back down on purpose...I believe that the true growth is at scratch. Starting from scratch is true growth. You have to have friction in your life. There has to be friction in your life for you to be able to move forward.
I encourage you to keep this in mind if ever you find yourself getting comfortable or feeling as though you have arrived to your destination. Until your last breath, your life is never done. There is always more to do and more to become.
(This is an excerpt from one of Naje’s bool, Let Go of Your But! A Woman’s Guide to Loving Herself to Full Potential and Possibility.
STAY CONNECTED:
Naje Badu Love is the author of Let Go of Your But! A Woman’s Guide to Loving Herself to Full Potential and Possibility (purchase here). As an artist and illustrator, Naje founded Journal Up! (an organization designed to support people in their quest for true potential through journaling). to align her passion for writing, journaling and illustration as a means of connecting with and inspiring people around the globe. You are invited to reach out to her via Facebook and LinkedIn by following the social media details below:
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Email | nagebadu@gmaill.com
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