Abundance & light
Written by Naje Badu Love
In the delicate petals of my youth, I cradled the nickname "Sunshine" with a quiet reluctance. Initially, I presumed it was a mere reflection of my fair complexion, a conversation piece among those with darker hues. In the rhythm of gatherings, I never grasped the compulsion to underscore my lighter hue amidst the collective. Amidst the intricate mosaic of adolescence, I found myself decorated with many nicknames, each adding a layer to the complexity of the identity bestowed upon me. "Goldie," "bright-light," "redbone," "yellow girl" – labels that adorned me as the "light-skinned girl with pretty hair." Yet, they merely skimmed the surface, failing to capture the essence of my innate radiance, my inner beauty.
Growing up, I found myself shielded from the full brunt of racism from other races. However, the sting of being "otherized" by my own people left deep scars. It was within the confines of my own community that I felt the weight of prejudice most acutely as if my lightness were a betrayal of my heritage. I struggled to find my place within a culture that often equated darkness with authenticity and beauty while relegating lightness to the margins. The subtle glances, the whispered taunts – each one a reminder of my perceived inadequacy in the eyes of those who shared my skin tone.
I grappled with confusion, frustration, and anger in the face of such scrutiny. I longed to be seen and accepted for who I truly was beyond the confines of arbitrary labels and narrow-minded stereotypes. Yet, try as I might, I found myself trapped in a cycle of self-doubt and alienation, yearning for a sense of belonging that always seemed just out of reach.
I often wrestled with a glaring contradiction – the notion that being a "light-skinned girl" bestowed upon me some inherent privilege. While this may have held true in realms beyond the confines of my neighborhood and classroom, within the microcosm of my everyday life, it couldn't have felt further from the truth. Amongst my peers, I felt the weight of their assumptions pressing down upon me like a heavy cloak, suffocating the essence of my being. Thus, it became difficult to create an accurate reality when my vision of life as a young girl clashed with the narratives imposed upon me from the outside world. To hear whispers of privilege and advantage felt like a cruel jest, a mockery of the struggles I faced in navigating the complex terrain of my identity. It was as if someone had handed me a script for a play I had no part in, leaving me feeling like an outsider in my own story.
My smiling face never once depicted how much those nicknames became bitter pills to swallow, tinged with a sour aftertaste of skepticism and suspicion. Rather than standing up and expressing my sentiments that came with being acutely aware of the subtle nuances of being "othered" within my own community, I smiled. Deep inside, "Sunshine" felt like a constant reminder of the dissonance between perception and reality, a glaring incongruity that left me feeling like a puzzle with missing pieces.
Yet, amidst the confusion and contradiction, a spark of defiance flickered – a refusal to be defined by the narrow confines of other people's perceptions. I may have been cast in a role that didn't fit, but I refused to play along. Eventually, I learned to embrace the fullness of my true identity, knowing that my truth was far more complex and nuanced than any label could capture. As I matured, I unearthed a deeper truth shimmering beneath the surface of my skin – an effervescent aura emanating from the core of my being, painting the world in hues of love, joy, and boundless inspiration. The more I pieced together the missing pieces of me, the more I refused to let my light be extinguished.
In the tender bloom of womanhood, I celebrated my light skin, my "sunshine," as a beacon of hope, guiding me toward a future filled with promise and purpose. I came to view my pigmentation as a beautiful manifestation of the divine spark nestled within my soul. I embraced my uniqueness as something mapped deep within my DNA. I came to see my power to illuminate even the darkest recesses of existence, casting shadows aside with the brilliance of my being.
Now, anytime I hear the moniker "Sunshine," I hear a melody that reminds me of the essence nestled deep inside my DNA, my melanin, my being. In the moments I sit beneath the sun's embrace, I discover sanctuary, a sacred refuge where the mysteries of existence unfold before me. Within its radiant glow, I am not merely a passive observer but an active participant in the divine unfolding of creation. As the sun's gentle rays envelop me, they work their magic, coaxing forth a kaleidoscope of hues from my skin – hues of bronze and gold that dance in harmony with the universe.
Yet, it is not just the outer transformation that captivates me; the inner awakening, the stirring within my Solar Plexus, speaks of a deeper connection, a profound communion with the Creator. In the embrace of the sun, I am invited to surrender to the flow of life, to let go of all that binds me and to bask in the light of divine grace. It is a reminder that beauty resides not just in the external world but within the depths of our souls, waiting to be unearthed and celebrated. With each breath, I am filled with gratitude, recognizing the abundance surrounding me and the infinite possibilities that lie ahead. And in this realization, I am filled with a sense of peace, knowing that I am not alone but held in the embrace of a love that transcends all boundaries.
Having discovered the path to authenticity and embracing self-love without reservation, I solemnly vow each dawn to ascend as a more empowered rendition of myself than the day before. My intention is clear: to let my heart flow with boundless love, spilling over like a river in flood. In this very moment, I am acutely aware that I embody the essence of abundant sunshine, light, and love. Without a shadow of a doubt, I know that I am not just a vessel for sun rays but an embodiment of the entire sun.
Ase`!
